I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
