I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
