got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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