I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
