Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
