if only i could text you this smell
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
