after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
