I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
