The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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