she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize