I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
