Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
