I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
