Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize