...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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