I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you had me at cake vodka
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
