Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
