You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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