Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
