I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
