I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
