Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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