Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
