I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
