I want to have your abortion
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
