I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
