i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
