my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
