My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
