I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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