What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
