She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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