I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
