he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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