that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
high people should be assigned attendants
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
