I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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