Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Who died my cat blue again?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
