We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
