I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
