he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
