I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
