you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
