Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm always down for nudity.
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