I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
