Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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