but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
