Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
