so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
