Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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