if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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