I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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