He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize