Don't make out with my wife yet
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
