I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
