hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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