I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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