i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
