i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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