In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
