Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
