i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
