No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
