i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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