i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
