Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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