I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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