a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
