all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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