I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
