we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
