Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
