Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
