I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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