it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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